I got to see and meet one of my favorite Christian artists Jon Foreman! Awesome man of God!
I got to lead a freshman bible study with my roommate Shelby (in the middle) fall semester 2012!
Playing pranks on our friend Matt for a solid week straight with my roommie Jess!
One of my best friends Jena got married in November!
This past semester of life and all it’s happenings has been absolutely crazy, jam packed busy, exciting with surprises and opportunities. Full of laughs, memories, promises and let downs, goodbyes and new beginnings. As this huge chapter of my life is closing, another huge one is beginning! I am more than floured as i look back and tangibly see my Lord’s presence saturating ever detail of my journey this past year. The way God was working and weaving Himself and His truth into every vessel and pour of my being as well as my life takes me back at a loss for words. The fact that a perfect and completely holy being would find the grace and goodness to have compassion and mercy on ME; to be involved in my life, to be faithful to me even when i am faithless, completely overwhelms my heart!
A.W. Tozer puts this so beautifully in his book “Knowledge of the Holy.” He says, “The goodness of God is the drive behind all the blessings He daily bestows upon us. God created us because He felt good in His heart and He redeemed us for the same reason.”
This is so true! i love how well He portrays God and His goodness. It truly baffles me, God’s grace and goodness. I find myself constantly trying to get a small grip on just what it is exactly, and just when i think i do He surprises me yet again with something new.
“By His nature He is inclined to bestow blessedness and He takes holy pleasure in the happiness of His people.” - A.W. Tozer
So as i look back on the surprises and memories- like as my two best friends getting married; or the opportunities- like leading a bible study, discipling some amazing women, and my involvement in Cru; or the countless hours of giggling and laughing with my roommate Alyssa; the let downs of relationships but the hope in the promises of truth in Christ; and lastly the goodbyes to many friends from NMSU as i graduated and left for the last time, and the new beginnings of my summer nannying and my next year spent in Uganda giving my life to missions; i look at all these happenings, all of life’s little happenings and i consider myself blessed.
Thank you Lord for life’s little happenings and the blessings that come alongside it!
(*Pictures of some of these memories to follow!)
So i am FINALLY graduating and got to make some really neat graduation cards! Since i can’t send them to everyone here’s a digital look at them! Go check out Shutterfly- (http://www.shutterfly.com) it was super fun to design them on there!
So lately my life has been surrounded by so many things; so many distractions, so many life to-do’s, so many couples-engagements-weddings, future plans, future talk, graduation plans, family plans, options, work-resigning from work after graduation, summer plans-nannying-what else….. SO MANY THINGS! It’s like walking into a room, packed full of people- all talking simultaneously- where you can barley move- barley think, hear, let alone speak and be heard! Its what i call an overload!
“I cannot do this anymore God! I can’t! And i’m sick of faking it! I cannot hear you, or feel you anymore and my quiet place that i meet you in has become overpopulated! I feel like i’m so frantic and “busy” that i am missing you as if you were the last train out of the station for the night! My frantic hurry and business has literally enabled myself from hearing your Spirit. God i remember that place of quiet and stillness; that place where you met me and I You; i want that place back Jesus PLEASE!!”
These were the very cries of my heart from my journal earlier this very week. I wish i could say that that quiet place returned the very next day and that my selfish desires for myself and things of the world quickly dissolved as things of holy nature flooded in…but that isn’t the case. God is still God and still sovereign and faithful no matter my unfaithfulness- in which i can boast in Him all the more! But i cannot lie in how i feel. And if anything, i feel the Lord has put it on my heart to just confess present day sin that i have been struggling with, in which has also been a prevention for me to meet God the way i had previously know in the presence of His holiness.
This is my confession of my flesh and sin: It is HARD to be content in singleness. No matter how hard i want to fight that reality with my stubbornness to say “NO! no that’s not true! It’s totally fine!” i cannot win! It is hard, but that’s ok! And i’ve come to realize that more and more. I think understanding the desires that we have and are programed with is completely healthy and completely practical and real! I don’t desire to be single the rest of my life, but if i am will i be ok? Will my view and intimacy with the Lord change? The answer to this question this exact time last year was 110%-hands down YES, and no it wont change! The answer to this question this exact time this year…..i hope so, and i hope not!
When God tells us in His word that He wants ALL of us, i believe He truly meant it! That means giving up all things, all desires, all wants, all needs, and what ever else to fully follow Him! Wow…..talk about a tough thing to actually live out day in and day out huh? This means for me personally, leaving my desire to be a in a relationship….a real relationship for once, a girlfriend, a companion, a wife, a mom, a lover…leaving all of that at the foot of the cross and giving it up to God. Just as He set the best example in giving up His son for me.
Now you may be wondering why, why even do that that sounds miserable? Well to be honest i mean yeah it doesn’t sound like the first thing that i want to do on my Saturday night, but it should be! I believe Katie Davis says it beautifully:
“I shudder to think what i could have missed in life because of my disobedience. I am so thankful that God in His grace does not allow me to win. Because usually, the fight is not really about what He is asking me to do. It is about me, trying to figure out just how much control I have over my little life. At this point, not much.
The more i strive to live in the center of God’s will, the more He asks me to give up, the more uncomfortable i become. He teaches me, over and over again, that He does know best. The hard uncomfortable places, they get only more difficult. But i am learning to remember, before i even get there, that eventually this will be what is best for me, and more important, what is best for His glory.”
So if you didn’t get the answer to why from here than here it is, because being disobedient and missing God’s will and call for you and me is much much more unsatisfying and much much less glorifying for the Maker of the Universe! That’s why! If my disobedience occurs, it is to pursue “my” desires. Instead of dropping them find the Lords’. To follow Gods calling of my life in going overseas to be a missionary.
Katie goes on to say: “That thought reminds me quickly that i want to forsake everything to remain in the center of God’s will for my life, that i want to give up everything for the sake of the Gospel. I believe with all of my heart that nothing is a sacrifice in light of the promise that one day i will get to live with Him forever. I want to obey. I want to give my life away.”
This was the exact praise of my heart to the Lord this time last year, and although it’s not this year, it’s not that i’m any less holy, spiritual, intimate or whatever else with Jesus. It just means that my focus has come off the cross and on myself, in which He has made me aware of and i can start repenting and seeking Him more to get back to that place! He still views me perfect and precious in His sight because i stand saturated with the blood of the perfect and holy Lamb. Thank you Jesus so much for that, otherwise i’d be a lost cause….
All i know is that there is NO place i would rather be that in the center of God’s will, and in that standing in the midst of His love which overwhelms me with joy!
My prayer: Father help this be true of my heart, “God i will give everything, no matter the cost. No matter the cost. Because i believe that nothing is a sacrifice in light of eternity with You.” Amen.
So i have been flipping through my old journals from this past summer and semester just to take a walk through memory lane and it’s always a great reminder for me to see how the Lord has actively been moving and working in my life! Gosh it’s not only a lot of times embarrassing looking back on my journal entries, but it is equally just as humbling. As i read i see that the way i acted, thought, and talked to the Lord only seams but immature in accordance to His worth and glory. He is deserving of so much more of my love, adoration and affection that what i give Him. However, thankfully He loves me perfectly and still even thus continues to bless me by tenderly teaching me and loving me in the midst of my immaturities. As i strive to grow more and more into the likeness of The Holy One, i am continuously reminded of the One who was the perfect example. And because of His death on the cross i can stand unashamed in the presence of God one day! Amen to that!!